IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could be taken to solve it?

It is a common trend in many nations for the younger generation to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 indoors.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour is largely the result of the increasing use of digital technology and reduced
face-to –face
Use the right word
face–to–face
show examples
 social interaction.
However
Linking Words
, I think these problems can be addressed by
parents
Use synonyms
, who can regulate screen
time
Use synonyms
 and encourage children to participate in outdoor social activities. One major cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue is the growing reliance on technological devices. Young people can now study, entertain themselves, and communicate online. Since information necessary for school can now be found online, there is less need to visit libraries after class.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with social media, kids can interact with their friends virtually, without leaving the house.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may have limited interpersonal skills and become less confident when forming new in-person relationships. A recent example of
this
Linking Words
 was the pandemic, when most lessons for school and entertainment were conducted online, and the trend continued afterwards. Despite these causes,
parents
Use synonyms
 can have a key role in changing
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 by reducing the
time
Use synonyms
 their children are allowed to spend online,
as well as
Linking Words
 guiding them to new in-person hobbies.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can limit the
time
Use synonyms
 a child learns via the internet and teach the same information in real life.
For example
Linking Words
, a good way for small children to learn about animals is by going to zoos, parks, and nature areas. Another effective way to motivate taking part in group activities,
such
Linking Words
 as book clubs or team sports, allow youngsters to develop social confidence in a comfortable environment. In conclusion, young people are spending most of their
time
Use synonyms
 indoors mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the dominance of smart devices and the lack of real communication.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, by reducing screen
time
Use synonyms
 and promoting healthy activities,
parents
Use synonyms
 can help their offspring to become more socially active and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 outside.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes and wrong word form.
cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas link.
content
Add more clear examples for each idea.
structure
End with a strong finish that restates the view.
content
Clear view on problem and solution.
content
Good use of examples like pandemic and visits to zoo or parks.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: