IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. what can be measured to tackle this problem?

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Needless to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 using
alcohol
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 is one of the most considerable contributors to committing crime. There are several valid ways to tackle
this
Linking Words
 tendency
such
Linking Words
 as some restrictions and promoting public programs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 in the consumption of
alcohol
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 can be
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to reduce
crimes
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 related to
alcohol
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. It is evident that
alcohol
Use synonyms
 has
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
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 effects like losing the ability of
self management
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self-management
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 and it happens
while
Linking Words
 drinking too much
alcohol
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.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should make legal laws regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
 consumption. So,
people
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 can manage their feelings and emotions and they avoid committing
crimes
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. In developed countries,
for instance
Linking Words
, Germany,
people
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 can drink a certain amount of
alcohol
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 in pubs or bars. Researchers reveal that in these types of countries, individuals are not prone to committing
crimes
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 based on
alcohol
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. Another solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that argument is the
promoting
Replace the word
promotion
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public
Change preposition
of public
show examples
 programs provided by governments. It is obvious that young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to commit more
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 than older ones and it
also
Linking Words
 belongs to
crimes
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 related to
alcohol
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. It is because of their psychology, they are less patient than
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 and they cannot manage their feelings as older
people
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. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, if governments raise awareness about
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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 impacts of
alcohol
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,
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 stay away from drinking too much
alcohol
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 and they are prone to
less
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fewer
show examples
crimes
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. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is one of the most crucial issues that leads to a lot of
crimes
Use synonyms
. There are some viable options and ways to deal with that matter. Restrictions and raising awareness are good ways to tackle it. These methods are still used in some developed countries and the rate of
crimes
Use synonyms
 really has reduced.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or quotes from experts, to enhance the quality of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your ideas by using more cohesive devices like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'however' to connect your sentences and paragraphs better.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and relevant ideas regarding measures to address alcohol-related crime, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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