IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 word

Use synonyms
privacy
Fix capitalization
Privacy
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 of people's
data
Use synonyms
 , some percentage think that the governments must enter
to
Change preposition
into
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citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
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phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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 calls and sms for protection causes ,
while
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 some
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
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 that
this
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 kind of information
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to be personal
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 think
its
Use the right word
it's
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 necessary to have all the digital information . The Cyber is Security is Crucial for both sides ,
However
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 the limitation to access can vary and depend on usual cases ,
for example
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 crimes and stealing ,
nevertheless
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 everyone need
privacy
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 and the freedoom they need in order to live , many adults tend to use messages or calls for sharing senstive details about their finance and relationship which doesnt meant for any kind of accessive reaserch .
In addition
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 , using phones for daily activities sush as shopping , travelling and more doesnt require too much attention for the governments records , many people start to loose trust and feel being watched , which can make their mental health in question , because the fact of being recorded is not okay and respected ,
however
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 i do believe when serious situation can accure must be
data
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 shared in order to reach help , indeed the authoriy must got permission for extra
data
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 needed . In conclusion ,
i
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I
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 do believe that citizens need
privacy
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as a result
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
of
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 having a normal life
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the ministry must
took
Wrong verb form
take
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actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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 when needed
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 the accord for it , to provide safety and security
the
Punctuation problem
. The
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 importance of
data
Use synonyms
privacy
Use synonyms
 and permission is crucial

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structure
Plan before you write. Say your view in the first line. Then talk both sides in order.
development
Add more details. Use examples from life or news to back up each point.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Use short sentences and simple words to avoid mistakes.
length
Make the essay longer to reach at least 250 words by adding explanation and examples.
position
You show you have a view.
balance
There is an effort to discuss both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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