IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Globally, almost everyone has been able to afford a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 able to access
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 wherever they are. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain whether the pros outweigh the cons. The primary benefits of having a
smart
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is
time
Use synonyms
 efficient.
This
Linking Words
 is because no need to walk to the cyber cafe to access applications
such
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 as email,
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 or online classes as the
phone
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 is equipped with all the applications one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
utilize
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utilise
show examples
. The
time
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 saved can be used for other
income generating
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income-generating
show examples
 projects and improve
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of people.
For example
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, my little sister is able to work online full
time
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 without the need
of
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for
show examples
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
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 meeting.
This
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 has saved her
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
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 as she is
also
Linking Words
 a
full
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full-time
show examples
time
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 mother
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 she is able to multitask.
Additionally
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, the modes of communication are enhanced. People can communicate
at
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from
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 the comfort of their homes effectively through
zoom
Fix capitalization
Zoom
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,
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 calls or voice calls since the mobile is able to do that. Many
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 worldwide are nowadays conducting interviews online when they need international
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
and
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, and
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 that has helped especially
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 the youths who
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to secure jobs far but are limited
due to
Linking Words
 their financial status of travelling physically to be recruited.
However
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, despite the heavy weight of owning a
smart
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
, it has its own challenges. In order for the person using it to access
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, it needs data or a wifi
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all these need money
inorder
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in order
show examples
 for them to function.
This
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 can be a challenge
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most of the citizens living
hands to mouth
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hand-to-mouth
show examples
 as they can not afford it.
Also
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, the
internet
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 needs to be strong for it to work. Meaning those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 reside in the rural areas may not benefit much.
For instance
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,
Study
Correct article usage
a Study
show examples
 conducted by the Oxford researchers in 2020 comparing the
internet
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utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
 in both rural and urban areas, showed that in the urban places it was
tripple
Correct your spelling
triple
 used compared to rural parts of Nika province in Uganda.
This
Linking Words
 shows that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is low in some parts of the country. In conclusion, despite
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most people using
smart
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 to cut the cost of moving from one place to another for online services and allowing all means of communication globally, it is still a challenge to
low income
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low-income
show examples
 earners and those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in the interior places where the
internet
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 connectivity is weak.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my
persective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I believe the benefits of owning a
smart
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages.

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structure
Split the essay into four clear parts: intro, two body sections, and a conclusion. Each part should have one main idea.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas, like first, also, but, therefore.
content
Give more clear and real examples with numbers or facts when possible.
language
Check spelling and grammar, and use short, simple sentences.
task response
State your view in the intro and clearly restate it in the conclusion. Make your stance obvious.
strength
The essay starts with a global context and states a view.
strength
There are real examples to support points.
strength
Both sides are discussed before the final opinion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphone
  • talk
  • message
  • information
  • map
  • app
  • bank
  • safety
  • time
  • distraction
  • sleep
  • privacy
  • security
  • screen time
  • balance
  • limit
  • habit
  • learning
  • work
  • health
What to do next:
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