IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given bar chart illustrates how many male and female played six different sports in English city during 2012.

The bar chart below gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about six
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 games played by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 (Tennis, Cycling, Swimming, Hockey, Football and Badminton ) in an English city in 2012.
Hence
Linking Words
, the number of
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 not more than seventy human beings.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of males
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than that of females.Both men and women played all of the sports,
while
Linking Words
 the least number was that of the
girls
Use synonyms
 who were playing hockey compared to the male footballers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the
match
Check wording
sport
show examples
 of tennis, male players were exactly 50 on
this
Linking Words
 as opposed to approximately 37 females.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in cycling, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
girls
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 fewer than that of
boys
Use synonyms
 (around 36
girls
Use synonyms
 and 46
boys
Use synonyms
 respectively).In
English
Correct article usage
an English
show examples
 town, a total of sixty men kicked football,
whereas
Linking Words
 around 21 women
also
Linking Words
 played
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 game.To add on, many people did not like to play hockey,
this
Linking Words
 is shown
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 least number of players (only about 15
boys
Use synonyms
 and 8
Use synonyms
girls
Punctuation problem
girls,
show examples
 respectively).
However
Linking Words
, ladies loved swimming
as well as
Linking Words
 badminton compared to
gents
Correct article usage
the gents
show examples
. A maximum of 50
girls
Use synonyms
 were swimming
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 around 41
boys
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 joined the swimming match.
Finally
Linking Words
, there was a difference of 10 humans who played
badminton
Correct article usage
a badminton
show examples
 match.
This
Linking Words
 was represented by forty women and thirty men.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, boys with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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