IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to flight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to some extent. Banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 from
school
Use synonyms
 canteens can help fight
this
Linking Words
 problem, but it cannot end it entirely.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 from
canteen
Correct article usage
the canteen
show examples
 can help reduce childhood obesity. Many children are exposed to fast
food
Use synonyms
 in their
school
Use synonyms
 lunches.
By banning
Change preposition
Banning
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it reduces the chances of them being able to access fast
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 alone can already help lessen obesity.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, I still disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to an extent as it can only go so far.
Body paragraph 3
Firstly
Linking Words
, many students are fed fast
food
Use synonyms
 outside of
school
Use synonyms
. Many are even fed fast
food
Use synonyms
 and ultra-processed
food
Use synonyms
 at home.
Therefore
Linking Words
, banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 in schools will not help these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of students.
Body paragraph 4
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is more important to raise their awareness. To kids, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is delicious
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 all they care about. They do not know the harm it does to the body. Taking it away from them will lead to frustrations. By raising awareness, they will understand and know
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 avoid fast
food
Use synonyms
 on their own.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 canteens is a good start, but it is only one of many things to be done to combat the problem.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
many
Use the right word
may
show examples
 not be the best way, though it is a way to lessen the issue to an extent.

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task
State your full view clearly in the opening and keep this view through each paragraph.
coherence
Add more strong reasons and link them well so the essay shows clear steps of thought.
grammar
Check grammar and choice of words. Use simple, exact forms and fix small errors (like may not).
content
You show a clear view that banning helps but also has limits.
coherence
You use order words like First, Second to show steps.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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