IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

University is considered as the most important path to a bright career while some people have other views that is better to get a job immediately after high school graduation. Both have pros and cons, yet I prefer college because it can boost our career.

University
Use synonyms
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most important path to a bright
career
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 some people have other views
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 better to get a job immediately after high
school
Use synonyms
 graduation. Both have pros and cons, yet I prefer college because it can boost our
career
Use synonyms
.
University
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good way to achieve a successful
career
Use synonyms
 since we can study a concentrated field
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, aerospace engineering, or law. Those fields need
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 and unique skills that require
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
show examples
 supervisor from
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 and cannot be found
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-term
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 that are always required as long as they live.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 skills are not easily replaced by advanced technology like artificial intelligence and can give us
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 network.
University
Use synonyms
 can be expensive and take a long time to get
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
;
consequently
Linking Words
, it causes a negative stigma that
university
Use synonyms
 only
wasting
Wrong verb form
wastes
show examples
 the time and
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to work directly
instead
Linking Words
 of studying in college because it has a fast return on investment.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many institutions
offer
Correct pronoun usage
that offer
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work abroad without
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a university's
show examples
university's
Correct determiner usage
a university
show examples
 degree and can give a high salary.
University
Use synonyms
 plays a long-term
period
Check wording
role
show examples
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
show examples
 students to learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 skills that precious for
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, it
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can be costly and take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 after
school
Use synonyms
 can give a fast return on investment
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it may be easily replaced and give a stagnant
career
Use synonyms
 . Whatever happens, it is good to
take
Verb problem
attend
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 because education can be able to elevate your future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Use a clear plan: start with your view, then give two strong points, then end with a short line.
grammar
Fix big grammar errors and use short, plain sentences.
content
Add more facts or real examples to back each point.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
structure
It uses a plan with a start, middle, and end.
content
The idea of long work with study is named.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: