IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others believe that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both the views and give your oiupnion.

In recent years, there has been a growing interest in public strength.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals contend that different
sports
Use synonyms
 will help physical and mental health , and others are against the idea. In my view, I firmly believe that
athletics
Use synonyms
 should be prioritised as essential sectors, like walking and swimming. These sectors have a more immediate and meaningful impact on citizens' well-being.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no doubt that exercises play a crucial role in keeping healthy. To illustrate, several studies indicated that if people are overweight, the doctors will advise them to play badminton every day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a study conducted at the University of Nizwa found that approximately 40% of residents who live in Oman suffer from obesity
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of
sports
Use synonyms
, especially the adults.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice contributes significantly to maintaining mental or physical health.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some members are against the view and sign that
athletics
Use synonyms
 have been a little beneficial to fitness because they believe there are several arguments which assist in developing the diet. The main factor is that eating healthy food, like fruits and vegetables ,
instead
Linking Words
 of fatty foods.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 step will reduce the fitness problems. Another thing which helps to be fit is that following take vitamins D and zinc.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Germany, residents take vitamins monthly to prevent some diseases ,
such
Linking Words
 as cough , which has successfully improved their health rather than doing
athletics
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
sports
Use synonyms
 are a vital way to keep healthy in lifestyle, but overusing the exercises might the pressure on individuals.
That is
Linking Words
 why the government should strike a balance between healthy food and different
sports
Use synonyms
 and encourage its citizens to improve their bodies. From my perspective,
athletics
Use synonyms
 can build a brighter and more sustainable future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Link ideas clearly with topic sentences and a simple, straight order.
task
Give a balanced view by naming both sides and finish with a clear opinion.
content
Avoid off topic points and keep facts tied to health goals.
grammar
Fix grammar and use plain, correct phrases.
content
The essay shows a clear view and a final opinion.
strength
Some data or examples are used to back points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: