IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that consumerism can boost the economy and create business and jobs. Others consider that society becomes a ‘throw-away society’ producing unnecessary waste. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Consumerism
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 promptly
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in recent years and has become a debatable topic.Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it helps
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 to flourish and create
oppourtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for business and
jobs
Punctuation problem
jobs,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
conisder
Correct your spelling
consider
 that
society
Use synonyms
 becomes a throw-away
society
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 both sides have merits ,I believe it has more negative consequences than benefits. Supporters of
consumerism
Use synonyms
 state that
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 buy more
products
Use synonyms
.It creates
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
 environment for
companies
Use synonyms
 to
lauch
Correct your spelling
launch
 novel
products
Use synonyms
 to keep
people
Use synonyms
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in purchasing new and
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 things. To develop and
lauch
Correct your spelling
launch
extensive
Correct article usage
an extensive
show examples
 array of
products
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, exisitng
show examples
exisitng bussinesses
Correct your spelling
existing businesses
 hire employees
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant job opportunities.
Similarly
Linking Words
, new
bussiness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 can
also
Linking Words
 find a
market place
Use the right word
marketplace
show examples
 if
people
Use synonyms
 are actively buying things.In
this
Linking Words
 way
Linking Words
overall
Punctuation problem
, overall
show examples
ecomony
Correct your spelling
economy
 boost.
However
Linking Words
,critics argue that
society
Use synonyms
 has become a
throw away
Use the right word
throwaway
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 buy not only
geniune
Correct your spelling
genuine
products
Use synonyms
 to use but
also
Linking Words
unneccsay
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 items .
This
Linking Words
 creates a
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
 market so
companies
Use synonyms
 use raw materials of low quality to lower
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 price .
This
Linking Words
 results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 that are less durable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 discard
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 usages.It can be best illustrated by the fast fashion industry .
Companies
Use synonyms
 like Shein
sells
Correct subject-verb agreement
sell
show examples
 cheap and trendy clothes which
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
show examples
 customers
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
Replace the word
uses
show examples
usage
Add a comma
usage,
show examples
 they throw it as the clothes are of low quality. Another factor is the exploitation of
resources
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
show examples
 both raw materials and humans.Fast
paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
show examples
 industry and
consumerism
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to a serious problem of misusing
resources
Use synonyms
.To
fulfuill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the demand of consumers who prefer cheap items
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 pay low to their
wokers
Correct your spelling
workers
 to make
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
show examples
.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
show examples
 they exploit natural
resources
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means there will be depletion of
resources
Use synonyms
 for future use. In conclusion,I would state that
consumerism
Use synonyms
 can help
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 flourish
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it has far more disadvantages.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear plan before you write. Have an intro, two body parts with one idea each, and a short conclusion.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences. Check spelling and fix common words like opportunity, launch, competitive.
examples
Set one good example for each idea. Ask yourself how the example helps the point you are making.
cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words: first, also, but, however, therefore. Use these to move from one idea to the next.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
example
You use a real name of a fast fashion firm to back a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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