IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Government should apply tax on unhealthy food to inspire people to eat healthy food which is beneficial for their health. Do you agree or disagree

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Government
Use synonyms
 on applying tax on
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 in order promoting healthy eating
food
Use synonyms
 life should be applied. I believe that national instrument holds a big influence in our everyday
lives
Punctuation problem
lives,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why I agree with the idea.
Body paragraph 1
According to
Linking Words
 the research in China, they believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 can do much more for unhealthy people in their country
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
thats
Use the right word
that's
show examples
 why the
government
Use synonyms
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodates
 those who
considered
Verb problem
are considered
show examples
 big to join their diet program
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
example where a real
government
Use synonyms
 actually have
influcence
Correct your spelling
influence
 in our everyday lives.
Body paragraph 2
Not only
the
Verb problem
does the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 put tax on healthy
food
Use synonyms
 I believe that
Correct article usage
the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 should
also
Linking Words
 present or make rules about the score of the
food
Use synonyms
 and give
sanction
Fix the agreement mistake
sanctions
show examples
 for bad
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not put
label
Fix the agreement mistake
labels
show examples
 on their
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. Other than that, the
operational
Replace the word
operation
show examples
 of the
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 restaurant should be regulated strictly as well, because we all know that many people tend to eat
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night.
Body paragraph 3
Other than those
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of the tax can
also
Linking Words
 be useful for those who
actually
Verb problem
are actually
show examples
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
impacted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
junkfood
Correct your spelling
food
.
Conclusion
So, I like to agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea to make the
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 lives
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
State your view clearly in the first sentence.
task
Give clear reasons and back them with real facts or concrete examples.
coherence
Make each paragraph about one idea and link ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'also'.
language
Check the grammar and spelling, e.g., 'accommodate', 'government', 'unhealthy'.
task response
The writer gives a clear view.
coherence
There is an attempt to use examples from real life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: