IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that museums should return cultural artefacts to their country of origin. Others argue that it is better for these objects to be kept in international museums. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a huge debate in public
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
 whether the international
museums
Use synonyms
 should return
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the cultural
artefacts
Use synonyms
 to the original countries. Some arguments indicate that cultural items must be returned to where they come from,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite opinion
emphasis
Use the right word
emphasises
show examples
 that it is better for the international
museum
Use synonyms
 to hold them. On the one hand, dozens of international
museums
Use synonyms
 do keep the
foreigner’
Check wording
foreigner’s
show examples
 traditional
artefacts
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 of great United Kingdom. Consensus has been made in public that those items should be returned
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to their motherland
due to
Linking Words
 the completeness of their inner value. It is a fact that
artefacts
Use synonyms
 alone mean nothing without the culture and history they
represented
Wrong verb form
represent
show examples
. Returning them
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to their homeland benefits the local historian to discover the rich economic and cultural information within precious
and
Check wording
materials and
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in holistic comprehension for the local development.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, local
Use synonyms
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 the precious
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opportunities to advertise their service and create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, bottles made of china, only
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
treated as elegant vases for entertainment in
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 country, could carry massive information in history worth discovery.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are arguments that the international
museum
Use synonyms
 should keep these objects
aiming
Punctuation problem
, aiming
show examples
 for preservation and protection. In fact, some
artefacts
Use synonyms
 were built
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago, even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thousands of years
, which
Rephrase
ago, which
show examples
 makes them delicate. The international
museums
Use synonyms
 are
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 for “endangered” treasures
protection
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, keeping those
artefacts
Use synonyms
 in the international
museums
Use synonyms
 takes less
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 than sending
back
Correct pronoun usage
them back
show examples
 to the original places.
For example
Linking Words
, there are
artefacts
Use synonyms
 made of
stones
Fix the agreement mistake
stone
show examples
 in the
museum
Use synonyms
 of the great kingdom
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been damaged a lot. Any casual movement would certainly
ruin
Verb problem
break
show examples
 them into pieces of
rocks
Fix the agreement mistake
rock
show examples
Over all
Use the right word
Overall
show examples
, the opposite points of view all make sense in cultural completeness and physical preservation. In my point of view, I believe that the culture is the key point in today’s civilization society and,
as a result
Linking Words
, I suggest
to return
Wrong verb form
returning
show examples
 these
artefacts
Use synonyms
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to their origins to fulfil
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 inner cultural beauty.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structural
Make a plan before you write. Start with an intro, then two body parts, and finish with a short conclusion.
structural
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Use a clear topic sentence.
lexical
Use simple, exact words. Some phrases in your essay are hard to understand.
grammar
Check grammar. Use short, clean sentences first.
linking
Use linking words like first, also, but, however, and finally to show order and links.
task response
The essay looks at both sides and states a view.
coherence
Some examples are given to show ideas.
grammar
The writer makes a clear final opinion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: