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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is highly acknowledged that
students
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 in certain age groups often
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 conflicts with
teachers
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 and the school
managing
Replace the word
management
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 board. The reasons behind
such
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 irony vary in two main aspects: dearth of caring from adults
-
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,
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 which often leads to discourtesy in young
students
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-
Punctuation problem
,
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 and conduct disorder
-
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,
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 a common mental problem that usually causes opposing behaviours among teenagers.
This
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 essay will delve into these two motives and suggest promising solutions for each of them. First and foremost, children who are not given enough precision will become troublemakers who always put not
solely
Rephrase
only
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 parents but
also
Linking Words
teachers
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 at school in a dilemma.
For example
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, in a class of twenty kids, it is nearly impossible for a teacher to thoroughly supervise and pay attention to everyone.
This
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 leads to a problematic situation where those who are unintentionally left out will suffer from apprehension and anxiety. Ultimately, these mischiefs will come up with a lot of actions that irritate adults and
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as
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, as
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 a
result
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result,
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 create severe confrontation between
teachers
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 and
students
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. For
this
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 specific reason, proper care is recommended as an appropriate solution. Educators should take more notice of
students
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 and spend quality time with them in classes to
standardize
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standardise
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 their state of mind to prevent any possible mental breakdown.
Furthermore
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, for kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are enduring puberty, it is
unpreventable
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inevitable
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 for them to misbehave. When entering
this
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 stage, some parts
in
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of
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 their minds and bodies change. These changes cause them stress
and
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, and
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 most youngsters will just relieve
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 through anger
instead
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 of meditating or seeking help from grown-ups.
Instead
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 of
criticizing
Change the spelling
criticising
show examples
, people in charge should try to be compassionate and listen to them
opening
Punctuation problem
, opening
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 up. Teenagers may suffer a lot more tension because of academic pressures and the biological changes in their bodies.
Thus
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, it is important that the oldsters
are trying
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try
show examples
 hard to understand their kids' behaviour before condemning. In conclusion, the justifications for the misbehaviour of
students
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 at schools that cause tension between
students
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 and
teachers
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 are
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awareness from adults and conduct disorder in adolescence. To
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 the impact of
this
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 swelling condition, adequate care and sympathetic actions are highly recommended.
Students
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 are never meant to be stubborn and defiant
,
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;
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 they just need more attention and guidance.

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task achievement
Plan your answer before writing. Clearly state the two parts: causes and fixes, then give one idea for each. Keep your points in order and stay on topic.
task achievement
Give a short example for each point and show how it helps fix the problem.
coherence cohesion
Use clear link words to move from one idea to the next. E.g., first, then, also, in addition, finally.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar and use simple words. Avoid long sentences. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro and a conclusion.
content
There are reasons and parts of a solution for the problems.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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