IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some societies,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a serious issue.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that advertising for unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in
this
Linking Words
 problem and
therefore
Linking Words
 ought to be prohibited,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that
such
Linking Words
 advertising is not a major cause of
obesity
Use synonyms
 and should be allowed to continue. In some societies,
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become a public health concern. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising for junk
food
Use synonyms
 is a major cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem and
therefore
Linking Words
 should be banned,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
such
Linking Words
 advertising has little influence on
obesity
Use synonyms
 and should not be restricted. Those who support banning junk
food
Use synonyms
 advertising argue that constant exposure to unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 promotion encourages poor eating habits. Advertisements often represent fast
food
Use synonyms
 as
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
, cheap and
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
,
wich
Use the right word
which
show examples
 can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to consume it more frequently.
As a result
Linking Words
, individuals may develop a bad diet, increasing the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, limiting advertising could help reduce
temptation
Correct article usage
the temptation
show examples
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a complex issue and banning advertising has nothing to do with it. They argue that
people
Use synonyms
 are capable of making informed decisions about what they eat, and that the lack of physical activity
also
Linking Words
 has an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, banning advertisements is not going to be effective if unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 remains.

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task response
Your essay shows both sides but you do not give a clear view. Give your own opinion in the intro or end with a clear final line.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear, basic paragraphs. Start each with a short topic line and use simple linking words to connect ideas.
content
The piece talks about both sides.
structure
There is a try to give reasons for each side.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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