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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that continue university after finish school is the best way to get a good job, some people prefer to work to get experience. Discuss both views and opinion

There are two choices that people face after school graduation whether going to university or working.
While
Linking Words
 some of them think that it is better to get a
job
Use synonyms
first,
Linking Words
I side with those who prefer to chase higher education. On the one hand, it could be argued that working after finishing school can enhance experience.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having a
job
Use synonyms
 drives us to learn true skills that are needed in the real world,
such
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 as communication, collaboration, management and so on, yet these abilities may not be taught formally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we may have the opportunity to explore what kind of career we like as early as possible.
For example
Linking Words
, we can try to work as an administrative staff, but it turns out we feel it is not suitable
with
Change preposition
for
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 our personality, so we still have time and a chance to switch careers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying at the university offers huge benefits for us. First and foremost, a process to gain a degree develops our logical framework and knowledge understanding.
This
Linking Words
 means that we can have a higher probability of getting a good
job
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 and a high salary too.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nowadays, the situation is becoming more highly competitive than before. If we earn a fine title, it will bring us to more
job
Use synonyms
 options.
For instance
Linking Words
, an accounting graduate from a reputable university can easily be accepted into "
Big4
Correct your spelling
Big
companies
Correct your spelling
4
"
, like
Check wording
companies, like
show examples
 PwC or EY. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 working after graduating from school may enrich our experience, it will make it harder for us to get an excellent
Use synonyms
job
Punctuation problem
job,
show examples
 as we are not qualified enough.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I stand with people who choose to pursue an undergraduate program before jumping into the
job
Use synonyms
 market.

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Task response
Explain more why each choice can lead to a good job and give one or two clear steps for it.
Content
Add more real facts or data to back up the idea that college helps get a good job.
Coherence
Use linking words to move from one idea to the next smoothly.
Grammar
Check small grammar and use simple, clear sentences.
Conclusion
Finish with a short, strong line that says your view.
Content
Clear view is shown and you discuss both sides.
Example
Good use of example about Big4 PwC/EY.
Coherence
Sign posts like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • university
  • study
  • degree
  • job
  • work
  • money
  • cost
  • debt
  • time
  • chance
  • pay
  • future
  • field
  • skill
  • experience
  • network
  • internship
  • apprenticeship
  • on the job
  • practice
  • career
  • path
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • problem
  • choice
  • option
  • combine
  • part time
  • loan
  • salary
  • qualification
  • goal
  • industry
  • college
  • possible
  • depends
  • opinion
  • view
  • balance
  • goal
  • focus
  • learn
  • grow
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