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Band 2.5

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Parents nowadays are more flexible in allowing their
children
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 to use
technology
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such
Linking Words
 as
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and tablets for learning purposes. Many
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 devices help
children
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 to develop their
technology
Use synonyms
skills
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the disadvantages of using
technology
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is overweighs
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages, especially for young
children
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. One major disadvantage of using
technology
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 for young
children
Use synonyms
 is that they will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vision problems.
For example
Linking Words
, many
children
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 spend long hours using tablets,
playstation
Use the right word
PlayStation
show examples
 or
computer
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computers
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 wearing glasses because the screen
time
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 may cause
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eye strain.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 shows that spending more
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning
technology
Use synonyms
skills
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 may cause
a
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apply
show examples
damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 well-being. Another significant detrimental effect of
this
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 is that it
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 their social communication.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
children
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 spend most of their
time
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 using tablets
instead
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 of playing with others or
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
 with
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 family.
This
Linking Words
 can result in having
children
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 with poor interaction
skills
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 and social isolation.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 supports the idea that the disadvantages of using
technology
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 outnumber the advantages. In conclusion, focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 learning
technology
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skills
Use synonyms
 for young
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 has a negative
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both social communication and
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 health. I believe that spending more
time
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 with
technology
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 has more disadvantages than advantages.
Finaly
Correct your spelling
Finally
,
Family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 must balance between their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 usage of
technology
Use synonyms
 and their social
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.

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content
The essay shows a clear position and uses two main points.
structure
There are clear tries to link ideas with 'for example', 'therefore'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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