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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of technology in education does more harm than good. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
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 believe that the
use
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 of
technology
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
 does more harm than good.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
if
Change preposition
that
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 in
education
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is
Verb problem
apply
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distracts
students
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 and that they are addicted to gadgets. I think
technology
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 is a powerful tool to engage
students
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. On the one hand,
technology
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 can make lessons much more interesting so pupils
don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
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 boring.
In addition
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,
students
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 can do research using online resources
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
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 pupils have a lot
information
Change preposition
of information
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.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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children
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 can study when they want
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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students
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also
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 learn skills which are useful for their future jobs.
Moreover
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,
technology
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 has many useful sides
but
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, but
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 it has harmful sides.
For example
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, they learn to write reports using a word processor
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
is
Verb problem
apply
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causes their handwriting and spelling may suffer.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should
balanced
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
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use the
Correct word order
the use
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gadgets
Change preposition
of gadgets
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 and
children
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 should be able to write a letter by hand.
On the other hand
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, it cannot be denied that
children
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use
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 gadgets a lot,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they become addicted to social media.
This
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 addiction can reduce
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students
Check wording
students'
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 attention in class and make them less interested in studying.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
children
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 who spend a lot of time on screens may have
fiwer
Correct your spelling
fewer
 social skills and less communication with other
people
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.
Therefore
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, excessive
use
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 of
technology
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 can
negative
Replace the word
negatively
show examples
 affect both
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
education
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 and their personal development. In conclusion,
although
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technology
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 has some negative effects, I believe that it brings more benefits than
disandvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 to
education
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. If
technology
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 is used in a balanced way, it can help
students
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 learn better and prepare them for the future.
Therefore
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, parents and teachers should control how
children
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use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
instead
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 of completely banning it.

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task response
Be clear on your main view. The essay now sends many ideas; say one main line and keep to it in all parts.
task response
Give more real facts or small examples to back your point.
coherence cohesion
Make one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear idea sentence and finish with a short line.
structure
The text shows both sides and then gives a final thought.
content
There are good examples like the use of word processor and screen use.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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