IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that older generation had a better quality of life due to their lifestyle which did not have to involve any use of high tech gadgets or technology like that smart phone or internet. Do you agree or disagree?

The world is evolving very fast
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the level of technology can be ignored as it is
top notch
Use the right word
top-notch
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it has been argued that the elderly
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 a quality life
due to
Linking Words
 the use of simple
gadgets
Use synonyms
 which
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not
need
Verb problem
require
show examples
 the internet, I tend to disagree because with
smartphones
Punctuation problem
smartphones,
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 there is
improvement
Correct article usage
an improvement
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 in
communication
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
 learning globally has been made easy. The primary reason why the use of modern
gadgets
Use synonyms
 has benefited the young citizens is because
of
Change preposition
to
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 advanced means of
communication
Use synonyms
. The
gadgets
Use synonyms
 are
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
 with applications
such
Linking Words
 as Gmail,
whatsapp
Use the right word
WhatsApp
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 and Instagram and through them one is able to converse through video calls
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 voice calls with their loved ones who are far away
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not possible with the
low
Use the right word
low-tech
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tech
Use synonyms
gadgets
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted
in
Change preposition
at
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Japan
Correct article usage
the Japan
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 University
college
Fix capitalization
College
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 in 2020
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 revealed that 98 per cent of scholars communicated with their parents by use of video calls.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with a
high
Use the right word
high-tech
show examples
tech
Use synonyms
 gadget
all
Punctuation problem
, all
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 modes of
communication
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
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 effective.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays, most learners prefer online studying as it has
flexible
Correct article usage
a flexible
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 study schedule and can be done
at
Change preposition
from
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 the comfort of their homes. Without a smartphone or a laptop
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 is forced to access the schools which are nearby offering local
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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whereas
Linking Words
 with
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, there
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
variety of courses globally that can be accessed by all.
For instance
Linking Words
, out of 1000 students at the Oxford College in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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,
three quarter
Use the right word
three-quarters
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 of them are international students who do not attend physical classes but online.
This
Linking Words
 shows that having a
high
Use the right word
high-tech
show examples
tech
Use synonyms
 laptop can improve the value of education to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle aged
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
 people and better their careers. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some people believing that the senior citizens had a super lifestyle as there was no need to own a
high
Use the right word
high-tech
show examples
tech
Use synonyms
 mobile phone, I strongly disagree with the narrative because digital phones improve
communication
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 international studies.

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Task Response: The essay states a clear position but the idea is not fully built. Add more detail and a clear plan to show why you disagree with the other view. Give 2-3 simple reasons and one simple example for each.
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Coherence and Cohesion: Each paragraph should have a main idea. Use a clear topic sentence and one or two linking words to connect ideas. Keep the flow simple and logical.
strength
Clear position in conclusion.
strength
Some good linking words (Firstly, Secondly, For instance).
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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