IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both genders at Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in the initial
Use synonyms
year
Punctuation problem
year,
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 more
books
Use synonyms
 are read by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men,
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
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 trend is followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and females till 2013.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
number
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 of women who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 reading drops dramatically
while
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of men
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
 increases till the end. On the one hand, in 2011 around 3000 males
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 reading
books
Use synonyms
, which gradually increased to exactly 4000 in 2012.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
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number
Use synonyms
 dramatically rose to 10000 in the next
year
Use synonyms
 and became 14000 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 of the given period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, around 5000 women
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 reading
books
Use synonyms
 in the initial
year
Use synonyms
, which gradually surged to 8000 in the next
year
Use synonyms
 and peaked at 10000 in 2013;
however
Linking Words
, after
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 plummeted to around 7000 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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