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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

The line graph illustrates the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
books
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 read by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 at
Burnaby
Correct article usage
the Burnaby
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 Public
library
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Library
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 between 2011 and 2014.
Overall
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, by the end of the period, the
number
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 of
books
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men
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 read increased,
while
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 that of
women
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 experienced a decrease.
In addition
Linking Words
, despite being the top
readers
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,
women
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 became the least in the final
year
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. Looking at the
number
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 of
books
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 female and male
read
Check wording
readers read
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 in 2011, the former was the highest, registering about 5000
books
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,
while
Linking Words
 that of the male
readers
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 approximately 3000
books
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, establishing them as the lowest in the first
year
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
books
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men
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 read
withnessed
Correct your spelling
witnessed
 a gradual increase to 4000
books
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 in 2012.
After
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this
Linking Words
, its figure rose significantly, ending the
year
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 with 14000
books
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. Making it the highest in the final
year
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.
Books
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 read by
women
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 continued to increase steadily till
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
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 at 100000
books
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. But
this
Linking Words
 trend experienced a sharp decline, ending the
year
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 with roughly 7000
books
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.
Although
Linking Words
 more
women
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 than
men
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 were interested in
books
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 in the first
year
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, their interest reduced over the years.
Men
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readers
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 overtook
women
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readers
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, finishing the period as the highest
readers
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, men, women, readers, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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