The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

In general, the graph gives data about
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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of
books
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read
between
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by
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men
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and
women
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at
Burnaby
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the Burnaby
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public library
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Public Library
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from 2011
until
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to
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2014. As we can see from the graph, in 2011, there
are
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were
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more than 4000
books
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who already
reads
Wrong verb form
been read
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by
women
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
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read
less book
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fewer books
show examples
than
women
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, with only
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
below
than
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apply
show examples
4000
books
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in 2011.
More over
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Moreover
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, in 2012, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
genders have
growht significanly
Correct your spelling
grown significantly
with 8000
books
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that
already
Verb problem
have already
show examples
read
Verb problem
been read
show examples
by
women
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.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
men
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still read
less
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fewer
show examples
books
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than
women
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, with
read
Wrong verb form
men reading
show examples
only 4000
books
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2013
men
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have
Wrong verb form
who had
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growht dramaticly
Correct your spelling
grown dramatically
to 10000
books
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who already read in that
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. Same with
men
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,
women
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also
Linking Words
read 10000
books
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in 2013.
In addition
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
the
last
Linking Words
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
women
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have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different things from before. Because they read
only below
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
than 8000
books
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in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
years,
that is
Linking Words
a huge downturn for
women
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
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have a huge rise. Since they read
books
Use synonyms
from 10000 to 14000 in 2014.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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