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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph show the average number of weekly patients visiting for clinic of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The given line chart compares data about the weekly sum of
patients
Use synonyms
 who visited four clinics in a hospital between 2010 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting the
eye
Use synonyms
, diabetic and dental
clinic
Use synonyms
 increased over the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figures for the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 department fluctuated.
Although
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 unit was the most visited at the beginning, the
patients
Use synonyms
 who attended
eye
Use synonyms
 appointments overtook it and finished as the highest in the final year. In 2010,
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 and
eye
Use synonyms
 clinics were the two most visited clinics, registering about 249 and roughly 140
patients
Use synonyms
 each week, respectively.
Patients
Use synonyms
 visiting the
eye
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
 rose gradually, reaching 150
patients
Use synonyms
 weekly in 2012, before experiencing a sharp increase
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 350
patients
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
week in 2016.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 visitors fluctuated throughout the years. In 2014, it received the lowest number of
patients
Use synonyms
 of about 180.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 point, its figures went up slightly, finishing the year with approximately 249
patients
Use synonyms
 weekly. Looking at the figures of the diabetic and dental appointments, in 2010, the diabetic
clinic
Use synonyms
 welcomed about 60
patients
Use synonyms
 weekly,
while
Linking Words
dental
Correct article usage
the dental
show examples
clinic
Use synonyms
 welcomed 100
patients
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
Linking Words
 difference in numbers, they both witnessed a substantial rise, ending the year with roughly 190 and 140
patients
Use synonyms
 each week, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, eye, clinic, birth, control with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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