Some individuals think that animals can be used for the benefit of people, others believe that they should not be exploited Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
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believe that
animals
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have more
benefit
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benefits
show examples
when they are used
for
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by
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people
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.
While
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others think that they should not be used unfairly.  I mostly agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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with the first opinion that
animals
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should
used
Verb problem
be used
show examples
for
people
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's benefit as they are
important
Correct article usage
an important
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resource
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source
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of
materials
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and production
products
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.
Also
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,
animals
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are used in different
researches
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research
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.  Many
people
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think that it is unfair to exploit them for income. From
ethical
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an ethical
show examples
side, it is unacceptable since
human
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humans
show examples
can understand what problems it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
.
Animals
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are living beings
,
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;
show examples
they can feel pain and fear. For a human who understands all these feelings, it is unsatisfactory to use them in
this
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way.
In addition
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, modern technologies
provide
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allow
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to use
artificial
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of artificial
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materials
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and computer models
instead
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of
animals
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.
People
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have to find or create another way that will not be harmful to the environment. 
However
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, I think that
animals
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one
Verb problem
are one
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of the biggest and important
part
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parts
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of the economy. They are used in producing raw
materials
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and production
products
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.
Animals
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are provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
people
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with food like meat, milk, eggs, and with
type
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types
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of
materials
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such
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as leather, wool,
ful
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fur
. These
products
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are one of the most popular and necessary things among
people
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in
every day
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everyday
show examples
life.
In addition
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,
animals
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used
Verb problem
are used
show examples
in scientific research and testing substances. Thanks for
experiments
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the experiments
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over
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on
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medicine and cosmetic things,
sciences
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science
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can check the safety of
products
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. By these actions,
people
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can protect their health and prevent dangerous consequences.  In conclusion, even though it is
a
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apply
show examples
bad from
ethical
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an ethical
show examples
side and
people
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have to find another way to use it without any harm to the environment. I personally support that
animals
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have more
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
for
people
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as they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
play an important role in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
and help to find harmful substances.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form so ideas are clear and easy to read.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas connect (for example, first, but, also, in addition).
task
Present a full view for both sides and then give a clear, neutral opinion.
content
Give specific examples to back up points, such as real facts or simple cases.
tone
Keep a steady tone and correct spelling to avoid distract from meaning.
perspective
The writer shows a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
cohesion
Some good linking phrases are used to guide the reader.
content
The argument connects to how science and industry use animals.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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