IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

you eat at your college cafeteria at lunch time every day.. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter: explain what you like about the cafeteria say what is wrong with it suggest how it could be improved

Dear Sir, I am writing
this
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 letter to inform you about some
suggestion
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestions
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about
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for
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 the
cafeteria
Use synonyms
 in our college, which is a great spot for gathering and relaxing after our lectures. Our
cafeteria
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 is huge, and it can
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 approximately 50 students at a time. On top of it, the variety of food it serves, where we can find traditional
as well as
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 street foods
with
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at
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 cheaper rates.
Furthermore
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, Canteen has a wide range of beverages, and chai tea is one of my
favourite
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favourites
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.
However
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, to my disappointment, the
cafeteria
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 is not maintaining its hygiene, especially
students
Correct word choice
since students
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who left over their dishes at the table, which
makes
Verb problem
attracts
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 rodents and other insects to attract around the food counter.
Thus
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, makes it
inconvienent
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inconvenient
 for
other
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others
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 to share the table which is not cleaned.
Besides
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,
There
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there
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 is no fountain water for drinking. Because of
this
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, we need to rely on tap water, which has
more
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a higher
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portion
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concentration
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 of chlorine and making it unsuitable for drinking. I recommend that
,
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apply
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 you should advertise
about
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apply
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the awareness of
cleaniness
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cleanliness
 in our
cafeteria
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, and
also
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 stick
label
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a label
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at
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on
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 each dining table so that students get an idea about civic sense.
Moreover
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,
Installing
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installing
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 a
filter water
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water filter
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 beside a food counter would be highly appreciated. I am looking forward to hearing from you about
this
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 matter.
In addition
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 to
this
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, any open line of communication in
this
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 matter would be great. Yours faithfully, Tom

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Task response
For task response, be clear on what you want to the college. Put one main idea in each part and end with a simple request for action to fix the cafe.
Coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use easy linking words like also, but, and, then. Put one idea in each paragraph and keep a clear flow from one part to the next.
Content
The letter shows a real care for the cafe and the people who use it.
Content
It gives both good points and areas to fix.
Tone
The tone is polite and the writer asks for action.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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