IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below provide information about a public library in a town called Little Chalfont. The pie chart shows the age distribution of library members in 2016, while the table illustrates the percentage of total loans by category in the same year. In addition, the bar chart presents the total number of loans made by the library between 2007 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given data
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
Use synonyms
chart
Correct article usage
a chart
show examples
,
pie
Correct article usage
a pie
show examples
graph
Use synonyms
 and
bar
Correct article usage
a bar
show examples
Use synonyms
graph
Punctuation problem
graph,
show examples
 illustrate information about
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 library in
town
Correct article usage
the town
show examples
 named Little Chalfont.
Overall
Linking Words
,
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the ages of people and their percentage in library membership for
2016
Punctuation problem
2016,
show examples
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 represents
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 divided
according to
Linking Words
 age groups.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
 shows
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
loan
Use synonyms
 for the nine
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 from 2007 to 2019
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 51
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people of
Correct word order
of people
show examples
 age group 18 to 64 are members of
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
.
From the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 remaining 12
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 are adults over 65 years. From 13 to 17
old
Punctuation problem
, old
show examples
 group of
teenage
Use the right word
teenagers
show examples
 is 15
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 children below 13 are 22
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
loan
Use synonyms
 in 2016 is
categorized
Change the spelling
categorised
show examples
 as 38
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for children’s fiction and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for
adult
Use synonyms
 fiction.
Adult
Use synonyms
 nonfiction has
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 of 13
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 for the case of children non
fiction
Use the right word
nonfiction
show examples
 it is 6. Young
adult
Use synonyms
 and
adult
Use synonyms
 audio books
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 percentage of 2
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 children’s DVDs
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
Use synonyms
loan
Correct article usage
a loan
show examples
 of only 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, if we look at
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
graph
Use synonyms
 from 2007 to 2009
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 between
fifteen
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
 and twenty
thousand
Use synonyms
. After that
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 2010 to 2012,
Use synonyms
loan
Correct article usage
the loan
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 above
fifteen
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
. In
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 it
show little
Wrong verb form
showed a slight
show examples
 decrease from
fifteen
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 again increased above
fifteen
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 three years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, graph, loan, percent, adult, fifteen, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: