IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Number of visitors per month in 2013 (in thousands)

The line graph shows the information about the
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visited 3 different museums in 2013 in 4 different months.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
 had
Linking Words
overall
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more
visitors
Use synonyms
 during that period.
Use synonyms
Science
Correct article usage
The Science
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
natural
Fix capitalization
Natural History Museum
show examples
history
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 sometimes had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were in their museums. Looking at the graph, in June there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 600.000
people
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
, and almost 600.000 in
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
natural
Fix capitalization
Natural History Museum
show examples
history
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
science
Fix capitalization
Science Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 had 400 thousands
visitors
Use synonyms
, which means it had 200.000
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the
British
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
. In July , the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
British
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 reached more than 700.000
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was a peak of
people
Use synonyms
 who came to
this
Linking Words
museum
Use synonyms
, natural
Punctuation problem
. Natural History Museum
show examples
history
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 had a decrease in
visitors
Use synonyms
 in July
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 was less than 400.000
the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 same was in the
Use synonyms
science
Fix capitalization
Science Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 Looking at the details, in August the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 dramatically fell
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the past results
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 500.000
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 natural
history
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 slightly increased
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it still was less than 400.000
visitors
Use synonyms
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 statistics about the
people
Use synonyms
 who came to the
Use synonyms
science
Fix capitalization
Science Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 showed that in August it went down again
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was 300.000
people
Use synonyms
. In
September
Punctuation problem
September,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals in
Use synonyms
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 increased to 650.000
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Use synonyms
Science
Correct article usage
The Science
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
show examples
 and
Natural
Correct article usage
the Natural
show examples
History
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Check wording
Museum also
show examples
 had
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in September and had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was under 500.000

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structure
Make a clear intro that says what the graph shows and what you will compare. End with a short line to show the main trend.
accuracy
Check data and use the same style for all numbers. Use the same way to show thousands (e.g., 600,000) and be consistent.
organization
Put ideas in a calm flow: first say the change by month, then for each museum say how it changes. This helps a good flow.
structure
The plan to compare all three museums is seen.
content
Some data show the change in numbers well.
summary
There is an overall view at the start.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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