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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The line graph provides information about 5 different activities and
participants
Use synonyms
 of each activity at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia , from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 were more interested in the film club activity. The significant decrease happened in the amateur Dramatics direction during that period . Looking at the line graph , there were around 65
participants
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 who participated in the film club activity in 2000 , later in 2005 and 2010
Punctuation problem
,
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numbers slightly decreased, but went up again to 65 in 2015 and in 2020 it increased to 70. The stat about martial arts showed that in 200, it was less than 40 individuals
it
Punctuation problem
. It
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 went down again in 2005 , and it was a little bit more than 30
people
Use synonyms
, but went up to 40 in 2010, 2015 , and 2020, showing the same stats about
participants
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 , which were almost 40. Amateur dramatics at the beginning had 25 individuals, went up in 2010
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
number
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 of
participants
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 was 30participants, which was their best result. It started to fall in 2010 to 20
participants
Use synonyms
, and in 2015 and 2020, the
number
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 of
participants
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 fell by 5. Looking at the details, there were 15
people
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 in table tennis in 2000
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 The
number
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 of
people
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 rose in 2010 and
then
Linking Words
 remained stable in 2015, at 20
, later
Punctuation problem
. Later
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, there was a significant change in
this
Linking Words
 direction
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the
number
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 went up to 40 in 2015 and
then
Linking Words
 rose to 55
participants
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. There is no given information about musical performance
participants
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 in 2000 and 2005 , in 2010 it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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10
people
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 and later increased by 5

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, people, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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