IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,
poverty
Use synonyms
 exists in every country,
although
Linking Words
 the reasons and solutions may differ from place to place. There are several
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
poverty
Use synonyms
, and both
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and individuals can take steps to reduce it.
This
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 essay will discuss both views after
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 my perspective. To commence with, there are several reasons to cause
poverty
Use synonyms
. In
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 era, individuals
suffer
Verb problem
struggle
show examples
 to find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job's
Check wording
jobs
show examples
, unemployment
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 significantly, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all jobs are
skill- based
Use the right word
skill-based
show examples
. Another reason is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
. Some people are unable to study
due to
Linking Words
 financial problems. They cannot afford the
expensive
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 cost of
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, in many cities, we can see young
children
Use synonyms
 on the streets who are not attending school and are forced to work to support their families.
As a result
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, Many people do not have access to
education
Use synonyms
;
as a result
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, they are unable to find well-paid jobs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
reduced
Verb problem
to reduce
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide free of cost
education
Use synonyms
, and train
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals for
skill based
Use the right word
skill-based
show examples
job's
Check wording
jobs
show examples
, which can help
decreased
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
 significantly.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 opportunities in all departments, and
supporting to
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 the charity
these
Punctuation problem
; these
show examples
 measures can significantly
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 the living standards of poor
people's
Check wording
people
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, free schooling can help
children
Use synonyms
 from poor families build a better future. From my own experience, I have noticed that many poor families struggle to send their
children
Use synonyms
 to school
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
as a result
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, these
children
Use synonyms
 face limited opportunities in the future. In conclusion,
poverty
Use synonyms
 is caused by factors
such
Linking Words
 as unemployment and lack of
education
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, with proper
government
Use synonyms
 policies and individual efforts,
poverty
Use synonyms
 can be reduced.

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General guidance
The essay has some good parts but needs more clear thought. Add more detail for each reason and for each solution. Make your main ideas reach a clear point.
Grammar/Accuracy
Fix basic grammar and word form. Use 'causes' not 'cause', 'unemployment' instead of 'jobs are skill-based' when needed, and 'free education' not 'free of cost education'.
Coherence/Structure
Use linking words and map out ideas in paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and finish with a clear idea.
Overview
The essay shows a plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Coherence
There is an attempt to give a personal example, which can help argue points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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