IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many extinct animal species in the world. Some people think we should protect animals from dying out, while others believe we should spend more time on problems of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
Use synonyms
extinction
Replace the word
extinct
show examples
 animal
species
Use synonyms
 has become one of the
environmentalist
Fix the agreement mistake
environmentalists
show examples
 concerns
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are worried about its consequences for
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
. Some
people
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 argue
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 issue must be
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
 for the government,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
believe there are a
lot
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 of
problems
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 for human beings which are more important than animal
preserving
Replace the word
preservation
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both points of view in depth. In my opinion, both perspectives are valid
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they should be taken into consideration
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 human
problems
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 are more important than animal
species
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extinction
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is obvious that preserving animal
species
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 from
extinction
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 has a
lot
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 of positive benefits for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and even
people
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's
lives
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. When one
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
 dies
out
Punctuation problem
out,
show examples
 it affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
Use synonyms
species
Check wording
species'
show examples
lives
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;
for example
Linking Words
, in some
habitats
Punctuation problem
habitats,
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 when one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bird
species
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
Correct your spelling
extinct
extincted
Punctuation problem
extincted,
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 it leads to an increase in the population of other
species
Use synonyms
 which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 that bird's prey.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
increasing
Wrong verb form
an increase
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 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of certain
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
lot
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 of
problems
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 for their habitat
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 destroying
source
Correct article usage
the source
show examples
 of food for
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
species
Use synonyms
 or reducing biodiversity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
species
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 are environmental heritage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 scientists
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 them to identify historical
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 in their genes.
On the other hand
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, there are many
problems
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 in
human's
Check wording
human
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lives
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 which should be
prioritized
Change the spelling
prioritised
show examples
. Poverty, food crisis, war, air pollution,
increasing
Wrong verb form
and an increase
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 in
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 rate, which
make
Verb problem
create
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 a
lot
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 of
problems
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 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. Poverty in many
countries
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
African's
Check wording
African
show examples
Use synonyms
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 leads to crucial
life threatened
Use the right word
life-threatening
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problems
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 for their population.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
countries
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 suffer from wars and
Correct article usage
the united
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united
Fix capitalization
United
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nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
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 or other
organization
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should provide funds to help these
countries
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. In conclusion, both perspectives offer valid attitudes toward their concerns about wildlife
extinction
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 and human
problems
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.
While
Linking Words
 wildlife has serious impacts on biodiversity and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, nature can easily balance it as time goes on. But,
people
Use synonyms
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
 are endangered by some serious
problems
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 in their
countries
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.
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people's
Fix capitalization
People's
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
 are more important
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we should help them overcome
this
Linking Words
 difficult situation. It is our duty to make our planet
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 place to live for everyone.

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language
Fix big word work and use easy flow. Use simple form of words and short sentences.
structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Use an intro, two body parts, and a short ending.
content
Give one strong example for each side and explain how it bites the idea.
editing
Check spellings and keep long lines short.
coherence
Use link words to show contrast and to tie ideas, and end with your clear view.
ideas
You tell both sides and you share your own view.
content
You give some good points on how animals can help people and nature.
structure
Your goal is clear and the purpose is shown in the essay.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • poaching
  • extinction
  • ecosystem
  • medicine
  • agriculture
  • cascading effect
  • food chain
  • survival
  • resources
  • prioritized
  • healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • sustainable practices
  • root causes
  • climate change
  • recovery
What to do next:
Look at other essays: