IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? Umar

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several parents purchase everything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 their children want and let their kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do everything they desire.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss that it is not a good idea because children don’t understand the value of
things
Use synonyms
 and it can lead to difficult adaptation in real
life
Use synonyms
 in the future. Allowing children to buy their every wish
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 young people don’t understand in
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of
things
Use synonyms
. They considered that getting
things
Use synonyms
 is easy without any effort,that’s the way it should be
subsequently
Linking Words
 they became spoiled thereby declining suggestions to
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 represents the one of
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 of popular actor Will Smit lived the easiest
life
Use synonyms
 and when he
get
Change the form of the verb
got
show examples
 older he rejected all offers to
work
Use synonyms
 thereby living
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
his fathers
show examples
fathers
Change noun form
father's
show examples
 money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, starting to use
historical
Correct article usage
the historical
show examples
 figures of his father to buy
things
Use synonyms
 related to drugs. If parents allow everything including buying any goods , allow any behaviour without consequences
subsequently
Linking Words
 in the future can be some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 like difficult adaptation in
modern
Add an article
a modern
show examples
 and violent world.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2010 research from England
illustrate
Wrong verb form
illustrated
show examples
 two
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 who began their
life
Use synonyms
 in different cases. One of them was from
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
 family, who
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 hard from
earlier
Add an article
an earlier
show examples
 age in order to
earning
Change the verb
earn
show examples
 money for food thereby having quality like hard
work
Use synonyms
, don’t stop in front of difficult became one of the
famous
Correct quantifier usage
most famous
show examples
footballer
Change to a plural noun
footballers
show examples
 in the world who inspired
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
millions of inhabitants,
while
Linking Words
 the second who from
rich
Add an article
a rich
show examples
 family who got thing without any effort became
spoilt
Add an article
a spoilt
show examples
 adult who
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not able to ready for
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. In conclusion, kids
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 more spoiled as easier
life
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 of them
didn’t
Wrong verb form
don’t
show examples
 know the value and eventually success leave
due to
Linking Words
 not enough ready for modern society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument that addresses the topic, but it could benefit from a more comprehensive discussion of the consequences of this parenting style. Consider adding examples or exploring the topic more deeply to enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Sometimes, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be improved to help the reader follow your thoughts more easily. Try to use linking words to connect your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are awkward or contain errors that can obscure your meaning. Ensure you proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
task achievement
The essay introduces a relevant argument about the negative effects of purchasing everything for children, which is a strong starting point for discussion.
task achievement
There are examples provided to illustrate your points, which is a positive aspect of your writing, showing an attempt to support your arguments with evidence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: