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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New technology changed the way children spend their free time do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantage.instance, a child who spends most of their time on mobile games or social media may feel shy or uncomfortable while talking to classmates or teachers at school.

Nowadays,
the
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apply
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modern
technology
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 has changed the way children spend their leisure
time
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.
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this
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This
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 essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks.
However
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, I believe that the benefits generally outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand,
technology
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 is developing rapidly, which has changed the way kids spend their
time
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. The
childrens
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children
 prefer using
smartphons
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smartphones
 and social media, which can
teach
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apply
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help
learn
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them learn
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 new things, easy to finout information related to their studies and stay connected
to
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apply
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with their friends. It can be fun and motivate
study
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studying
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.
For instance
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,
such
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 apps
Duolingo
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as Duolingo
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, chatgpt can help
their
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them
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to
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apply
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learn new languages and any courses free of cost.
Moreover
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, it can
also
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 help solve their
problems
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 very
faster
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quickly
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 with new
technology
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. Despite these advantages, there are notable disadvantages. A major concern is the decline in social interaction.
The
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apply
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Children spend
their most of
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most of their
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time
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 on screens
instead
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 of outdoor activities, which can
effect
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affect
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 their eyesight,
and
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leading to some health
problems
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 and stress
due to
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 physical exercise and activities.
Furthermore
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, excessive use of computers and
smartphone
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smartphones
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 sleep
problems
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.
In addition
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, child who spends most of their
time
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 on mobile games or social media may feel shy or uncomfortable
while
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 talking to classmates or teachers at school. In conclusion, new
technology
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 has changed the way children spend their free
time
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.
While
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 it provides entertainment and learning opportunities, excessive use can reduce physical activity and social interaction. These
problems
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 may affect children’s health and behaviour.
Therefore
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, it is important to control screen
time
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 and encourage a balanced lifestyle.

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task
Make your view clear in the opening; outline how you will discuss the topic and where you stand.
coherence
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and begin with a clear topic sentence; use simple linking words to show how ideas connect.
linguistic
Use short, correct sentences. Check grammar and spelling (for example, 'children' and 'smartphones').
task
Add more concrete and realistic examples and explain how they prove your point.
coherence
End with a firm conclusion that restates your view and summarizes the main points.
content
Your essay shows a clear opinion that benefits outweigh drawbacks.
structure
You discuss both sides and give examples like language apps or chat tools.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion that frame the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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