IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that all students should be made to have an unpaid job in their free time. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that practical
experience
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in
students
Use synonyms
’ personal and professional development.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that all
students
Use synonyms
 should be required to do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 in their free time, I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as
such
Linking Words
 activities can be beneficial but should remain voluntary rather than compulsory. One of the most obvious reasons why unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 can be valuable is that it helps
students
Use synonyms
 develop essential life skills. To illustrate, volunteering or working without pay allows young people to gain real-world
experience
Use synonyms
, improve communication skills, and learn how to
work
Use synonyms
 in a team.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who volunteers at a community centre may develop empathy, responsibility, and problem-solving abilities.
In addition
Linking Words
, unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 explore potential career interests, making it easier for them to choose a suitable profession in the future.
However
Linking Words
, another point that should not be overlooked is that forcing all
students
Use synonyms
 to do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 may create unnecessary pressure. To clarify, many
students
Use synonyms
 already face heavy academic workloads, private tutoring, or family responsibilities.
For example
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 may need their free time to study, rest, or support their families. Making unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 compulsory could negatively affect their mental health and academic performance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, compulsory volunteering may reduce motivation, as
students
Use synonyms
 might view it as an obligation rather than a meaningful
experience
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate, it is evident that unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 can offer important benefits
such
Linking Words
 as skill development and practical
experience
Use synonyms
, but making it mandatory for all
students
Use synonyms
 is not always appropriate.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged, but not forced, to participate in unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 during their free time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Development
Add more strong and clear examples from real life or studies to back your points.
Coherence
Make more links between ideas so the flow is easy to follow.
Language
Check some grammar and word use to keep simple and clear.
Content
Clear view on the topic and a good balance of ideas.
Structure
Good start with general idea and clear plan.
Closure
Nice close that restates view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid work
  • volunteer work
  • volunteering
  • optional
  • choice
  • option
  • fairness
  • time
  • study
  • grades
  • stress
  • skills
  • learning
  • community
  • help
  • experience
  • future
  • job
  • projects
  • safety
  • age
  • guidance
  • balance
  • duty
  • interest
What to do next:
Look at other essays: