IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified ? Are there any alternatives ? Give your personal opinion

Throughout the years, animal
experimentation
Use synonyms
 has become a controversial topic in society. Many believe that
experiments
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 on
animals
Use synonyms
 should be outlawed because of the
harm
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that it is essential to develop scientific discoveries through animal
experimentation
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. In my opinion, animal
experimentation
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 should be done only when there is no other alternative for testing.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives, and I will explain my opinion. On the one hand, many people believe that animal testing is harmful and should be banned.
First,
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animal testing is harmful to the environment. As
humans
Use synonyms
 and part of society, causing
harm
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 to the environment isn’t acceptable.
Second,
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animal
experimentation
Use synonyms
 isn’t reliable for medical testing.
Experiments
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 on
animals
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 are done to discover the cure for certain illnesses in
humans
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 by testing vaccines, and
animals
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 can react differently to
such
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 vaccines.
Third,
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by putting
animals
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 at risk , the extinction of
animals
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 will be
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the hands of
humans
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. By repetitively using
animals
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 for testing, many will die and eventually
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become extinct.
On the other hand
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, others believe it is essential to continue animal
experiments
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. To start with, the cure for many diseases is found by animal
experimentation
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.
Scientists
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 find it difficult to find the right vaccine, and they have no other choice but to experiment on
animals
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.
Moreover
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, animal testing can cause no
harm
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. To a certain point,
animals
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 can react to vaccines the same way
humans
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 do.
For example
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, in order to find a cure for the flu,
scientists
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 will first test the vaccine on
animals
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.
Therefore
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, in order to know if it works, they just check certain changes displayed by the animal, effectively not harming them.
However
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, I believe that animal
experimentation
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 should be very limited
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
scientists
Use synonyms
 should have no other option in order to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for testing. In conclusion,
animals
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 play a big role in the environment , and they should be taken care of , so
experiments
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 on
animals
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 should be controlled. There will be less
harm
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
, and an improvement in scientific
experimentation
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.
Therefore
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,
scientists
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 will continue to develop alternatives until
animals
Use synonyms
 are no longer used for testing.

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overall
Your essay shows you can state a view and talk about both sides, but ideas are not always linked well. Add clearer reason for each point and connect them with links.
structure
Make each paragraph have a clear main idea. Use a topic sentence and a closing line to show how it answers the task.
accuracy
Be careful with facts. Some claims, like harm to the environment, are not sure. Use simple facts that you can explain clearly.
task
The writer states a view and repeats it in the conclusion.
coherence
The essay tries to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
examples
An example about flu test is given to show support.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
What to do next:
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