IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are having less social contact with older people today. What are the reasons behind this situation, and what could be done to improve it?

There is
widely
Correct article usage
a widely
show examples
 debated topic that most younger
people
Use synonyms
 are not spending their
time
Use synonyms
 with
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 consequence is technology and
insufficiency
Correct article usage
the insufficiency
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore possible solutions for
this
Linking Words
 repercussion. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 become more isolated
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. Most youth can’t allocate
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their grandpas and grandmas. The particular reason for
this
Linking Words
 circumstance is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 are accustomed to
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 under pressure. With
this
Linking Words
 fatigue, they will be less active or invisible
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the family gathering.
Average
Correct word choice
ordinary
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 work approximately 8-9 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day, they leave home in the early morning and
come
Verb problem
apply
show examples
arrive
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
. On the one hand, old
people
Use synonyms
 have their own schedule and agenda, so that’s why their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
 varies differently, resulting in strong isolation
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 their children. Most
people
Use synonyms
 reckon that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 moves so fast. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is not actually true. The
time
Use synonyms
 is in the right way, but the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of the young
people
Use synonyms
 is quite fast. They are keen on
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 something fast
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 their daily schedule is the same
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every day. So most young
people
Use synonyms
 just say they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to be with their relatives. But it actually is not true
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 their habit is the reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Only
Correct article usage
The only
show examples
thing
Check wording
apply
show examples
possible solution is to change their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 completely
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 if they have
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
 amount of
worktime
Use the right word
work time
show examples
. As
people
Use synonyms
 wake up, they immediately take
their
Change preposition
out their
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and chat with their friends.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they should have to wash their face and greet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their grandparents, and have a cup of tea
together with
Linking Words
lovely
Correct article usage
a lovely
show examples
 smile. It
both affects
Correct word order
affects both
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the interaction between
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and impact on their whole day
positively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. If young
people
Use synonyms
 add
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 habit
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their schedule,
this
Linking Words
 problem will be tackled
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forever. In conclusion,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should have to change their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
habit, in order to maintain a healthy connection with their grandparents

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task response
Your answer is not full. Add more clear reasons and real steps to show how to fix the problem.
coherence
Make ideas flow better. Each paragraph should have one clear idea and a link to the next.
grammar
Make grammar simple. Shorter sentences and correct word order help a lot.
task intention
The essay shows the task of the question and ends with a close.
readability
There is some easy read and the topic is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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