IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavent examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 workds.

Many cultures demonstrate that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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The
Correct article usage
apply
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children become successful
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if they try hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks. To commence with, there are several benefits
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if kids
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 hard. They
get achievement
Verb problem
achieve at
show examples
in
Use the right word
an
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 early age, and
role
Verb problem
are role
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model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 for
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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 instance, a younger cricketer
suyervanshi
Fix capitalization
Suyervanshi
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, he
just
Verb problem
is just
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 16
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 old and playing in
Correct article usage
the India
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India
Replace the word
Indian
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 team
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they play
also
Linking Words
in
Verb problem
plays in
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 ipl
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Rajasthan because
of
Change preposition
apply
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he
is
Verb problem
has
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working
Wrong verb form
worked
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 hard
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age.
As a result
Linking Words
.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a few examples
encourage
Correct pronoun usage
that encourage
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 to work hard and achieve anything
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they want.
Conversely
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, there are some drawbacks to using
this
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 method
,
Punctuation problem
;
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sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
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 children become victims of depression. Despite working hard, they still fail. They become under pressure and feel isolated. It
also
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 health problems and their relationship
with become
Change preposition
becomes
show examples
 breakdown.
For example
Linking Words
, normally neet UG students get stressed and
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they cannot
become passed
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
exam
Correct article usage
the exam
show examples
. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 with hard work
can
Correct pronoun usage
they can
show examples
 achieve anything
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want,
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 it
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 dangerous for kids.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 life and stronger mindset and hard work try to
best
Rephrase
apply
show examples
become successful.

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task response
State a clear view in the introduction and end with a strong conclusion. Give more reasons and a clear link to the prompt.
coherence
Use a clear plan for each paragraph. Put one main idea in each paragraph. Use simple linking words to show order and contrast.
language
Keep language simple. Check grammar and use correct noun and verb forms. Short, simple sentences can help many ideas be clear.
content
Explain examples well. Use examples that are easy to explain and that match your point.
presentation
Use correct spelling and punctuation. Start sentences with a capital letter and end with a dot.
idea
The writer tries to cover both sides of the topic.
examples
There are some examples used to show ideas.
theme
The goal to discuss outcomes of hard work is clear.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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