The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physcial education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The increasing obesity is considered detrimental for the functioning of the health care system
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
the medical sector must cope with its numerous consequences. It is considered that the most effective method of handling that issue would be to provide the schools with extra physical education classes. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
solution would help the healthcare industry, but there is a possibility that it could cause the opposite effect. One evident benefit to adding more sports lessons in schools is that the children and adolescents would be obliged by the curriculum to be more active,
hence
Linking Words
spending more time moving and exercising. Some teenagers tend to spend a lot of their time playing computer games in a sitting position, so those extra classes would really benefit them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is common for those who developed a passion for sport in their childhood to
then
Linking Words
continue the active lifestyle throughout the rest of their life,
hence
Linking Words
decreasing the possibility of being overweight in adulthood.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it could cause a different effect, with pupils opposed to additional physical activities.
In other words
Linking Words
, they would avoid these lessons even more, trying to think of a number of excuses not to attend them. Teenagers have a strong sense of independence, and when something is forced upon them, they tend to get angry and rebel against the rules and do not perform the task given.
As a result
Linking Words
, schools’ physical education lessons’ attendance could drop even more, putting society’s health at risk and increasing the chance of obesity, which is not the goal. In conclusion, more physical education during school would benefit the medical institutions
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it could have drawbacks. Certainly, for most children,
this
Linking Words
would result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher physical activity during the week, decreasing the possible weight problems in the future. Yet, for some,
such
Linking Words
as teenagers,
this
Linking Words
idea could cause rebellion and discourage them from any physical activity whatsoever, posing a serious threat to their health in the long term.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear in the intro and keep it in every part of the essay.
coherence
Plan a simple layout: one main idea per paragraph and a short plan at the start.
grammar
Use short, plain sentences and fix grammar mistakes.
examples
Give more real facts or numbers to back up points.
lexical
Check spell and choice of words; try to stay with common and plain words.
content
The essay shows a fair balance by giving both sides.
structure
There are clear sign posts like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'.
coherence
Paragraphs separate ideas well and the flow is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • healthcare system
  • strain
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • life skills
  • healthy lifestyle
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutrition
  • holistic approach
  • mental health
  • community programs
  • healthy foods
  • societal responsibility
  • preventative measures
  • obesity rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: