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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are many approaches to raising
children
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 and helping them become mature. Some people argue that allowing
children
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 to choose their daily preferences,
such
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 as food, habits, and interests, may lead them to become selfish individuals in society. Others,
however
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, believe that
children
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 need opportunities to make decisions and understand what truly influences their own lives.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and present my opinion. On the one hand, many parents do not allow their
children
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 to make their own decisions, even in everyday matters, because
children
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 often lack well-developed judgment.
Firstly
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,
children
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 tend to choose unhealthy food
such
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 as sweets or pastries, which may increase the risk of health problems like obesity or diabetes.
Secondly
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, if
children
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 are always allowed to satisfy their own desires, they may gradually become
self-centered
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self-centred
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.
For example
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, they might develop an expectation of instant gratification without considering the inconvenience caused to others.
Therefore
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, controlling
children
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’s
behavior
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behaviour
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 and habits is considered a major priority for many parents.
On the other hand
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, supporters of
children
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’s independence argue that young people need to develop critical thinking skills and take responsibility for their actions.
Although
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 making daily-life choices may seem trivial to adults, it plays an important role in
children
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’s cognitive development. Through
this
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 process,
children
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 learn from their mistakes and gradually become more independent and responsible adults. In conclusion,
although
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children
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 may sometimes make poor decisions, parents should guide them by explaining what is right and wrong.
However
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, I strongly believe that
children
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 should still be allowed to make their own choices in small aspects of their lives, as
this
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 experience is essential for their personal growth.

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content
Add more clear examples to back your main points, such as a real life case or specific details.
structure
Use simple links to show how ideas connect, and keep one idea per sentence.
language
Check spelling and grammar, and choose exact words to show meaning.
structure
The essay shows a clear view on both sides and gives your own opinion.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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