IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals & society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

In many developed countries, average life expectancy is steadily increasing.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend reflects
on
Change preposition
apply
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development in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and living standards, there are possible challenges for both
society
Use synonyms
 and individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some problems
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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for
Change preposition
by
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and give possible measures that can reduce the impacts of ageing populations. One of the possible issues for individuals is financial difficulty in old age. After retirement,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
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 stop working, but still need money for daily expenses and
health
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 care.
As a result
Linking Words
, they depend on
society
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 or family members. Another problem is poor
health
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. Elderly
people
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 are more likely to suffer from long-term illnesses, which can make their lives uncomfortable and less active. For
society
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, long ageing creates pressure on
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 system and pension funds.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 need to spend more money on hospitals, medicines and
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
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. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 fewer young
people
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 are working and paying taxes, which can slow down economic growth and cause labour shortages. To reduce population ageing, governments should take several measures. One of the
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 is to increase retirement age
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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people
Use synonyms
 have to work
long
Replace the word
longer
show examples
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
; as
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 they can support themselves with money for
healthcare
Use synonyms
 problems. Another important step is encouraging healthy lifestyles
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 must do regular exercises and
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 diet to reduce
health
Use synonyms
 problems in old age. In conclusion,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there are possible developments in
healthcare
Use synonyms
, long ageing
also
Linking Words
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 challenges to both individuals and
society
Use synonyms
. With suitable government policies and
health
Use synonyms
 programs, the negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of long ageing can be reduced.

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organization
Make each paragraph have one clear idea. Start with a short sentence that shows the point, then add a bit of detail.
grammar
Watch how you use grammar. Check verbs, plural forms, and articles.
development
Give one or two concrete examples or facts to back each point.
content
Clear plan to talk about problems and how to fix them.
structure
There is a conclusion that ends the essay.
coherence
Easy to follow order of ideas in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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