IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more young people do weekend or part-time jobs while at secondary school. Is this a good idea or should young people focus exclusively on their school work? Write an essay in which you analyse the consequences of having a part-time job on a person’s education and their career prospects.

It is popular with
students
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 to enter the
job
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 market at a young age.
However
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,
this
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 is likely to cause problems with their school program.
While
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 some consider taking up a new skill during their part-time activity, others decide to put all their eggs into one basket and sit exams in case they get better grades.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that solely having an urge to do an apprenticeship cannot reflect on assessments. On the one hand, part-time jobs help
students
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 improve their career prospects . Doing specific tasks day in, day out would develop their skills, which would be beneficial for them in future.
For instance
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, my sister has been working as a receptionist on a day-to-day basis.
Due to
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this
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 experience, she had learned how to use multiple apps and tools, how to stay organised and stable in any unexpected situation.
Such
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 abilities help her to cope with significant difficulties.
Furthermore
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, an apprenticeship can matter when
students
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 struggle to find their niche. It helps to identify their strengths and weaknesses in order to determine the most appropriate and lucrative career for them. It happened to my friend, who has taken up a part-time
job
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 connected to the hotel business. As soon as she managed to attend
this
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 work, her employer analysed her personality and advised her to develop definite skills. After that, she reached her full potential and applied to the university’s faculty in the same sphere .
On the other hand
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, working a lot and studying hard could lead to burnout. Trainees are tied up with assignments , and it is not always possible for them to get everything done by a deadline. Surely, it suddenly becomes tedious , and
students
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 have to put their part-time
job
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 off.
For example
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, my brother had to quit his apprenticeship in order to make up time for exam preparation.
To conclude
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, I would like to admit that applying for a part-time
job
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 during secondary school has its pros and cons.
However
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, the advantages overweight. Based on
such
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 experience, young people find their niche and know the path they are going to take.
Moreover
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, attending a university, extracurricular activities would outline a student.
That is
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 why school years are the best time for us to take our possibilities utmost
use
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apply
show examples
.

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organization
Intro should be clear. State your view and what you will talk about.
structure
Each paragraph has one main idea. Start with a simple sentence, then give one example.
lexical
Use simple phrasing. Some words are odd. Stick to common words.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Some sentences are wrong or awkward.
conclusion
End with a short conclusion that repeats your view and main points.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
examples
There are real life examples from family.
coherence
The idea of linking work to study is shown.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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