IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays,
people
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 tend to move from rural
to
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areas to
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cities
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 directly affects to
population
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 in the
countryside
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 . I believe that it is a negative development because these trends will make the
population
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 in the
cities
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 dramatically increase
and
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, and
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 the productive age
population
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 in the
countryside
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 decrease. Since
this
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 trend will continue in the future, the possibility of overcrowding in the city will increase. An increasing
population
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 indirectly affects several sectors in the city,
such
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 as the economy and crime.
Due to
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 the large
number
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 of
people
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 in a large city, the demand for many things has increased,
for example
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, an apartment. That will increase the price of apartments
will
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with
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 development.
This
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 problem
also
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 leads to criminality, since the price of many things is high,
people
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 will engage in various
number
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 of activity to afford the things, even if it is criminal.
For example
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, based on the data, it shows that there are various numbers of criminality in Jakarta
due to
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 economic
.
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reasons.
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On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend
also
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 affects our
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food's stability
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food
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. The
countryside
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 functions to produce a variety
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number
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apply
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of
food
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 materials,
such
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 as rice and livestock. Since the rural
population
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 has moved to the
cities
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, there are no
people
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 working in
this
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 sector
and
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, and
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food
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 production is declining, especially for
productive age
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productive-age
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 inhabitants.
For example
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, in South Lombok, the
number
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 of inhabitants is declining, which leads to a decrease
number
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 of production in
this
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 place and makes them import several commodities from other areas.
To conclude
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, I think that moving from rural zones to
cities
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 is not good.
People
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 in the
countryside
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 are needed in order to maintain the stability of our
food
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 and keep
cities
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 from overpopulation.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short idea of your view, then 2-3 body ideas and finish with a clear end.
cohesion
Make a clear link from one idea to the next. Use easy join words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but' to help flow.
grammar
Fix grammar and word form. Look for wrong plural use, articles, and sentence order.
language
Use only facts you can show or explain. If you say a data point, connect it to your point.
task
Keep to simple idea. Do not repeat the same point in many words. Choose clear examples that fit.
content
The writer shows a view that moving to cities is not good.
content
The essay uses examples such as crime and food supply to back up the view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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