IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the proportion of boys and girls who participated in various sports in the year 2012

The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
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 and
girls
Use synonyms
 participating in six different sports in an English town in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
football
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
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 of
boys
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,
while
Linking Words
 swimming was the most popular sport among
girls
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, hockey had the lowest participation figures for both genders In general,
football
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
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 of
participations
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participants
show examples
 among
boys
Use synonyms
 at 60, followed by tennis at 50
participations
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participants
show examples
. Badminton and swimming were noticeably more popular among
girls
Use synonyms
 than
boys
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 of 10
participations
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participants
show examples
 each.
Football
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 attracted the fewest
girls
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, at roughly half the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, hockey attracted the fewest participants among
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 at approximately 15 and 9
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Swimming was the most popular sport among
girls
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 50 participants. In terms of cycling, more than 30
boys
Use synonyms
 participated,
whereas
Linking Words
 only 20
girls
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 took part in cycling.
Football
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 and cycling had almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of participants among
girls
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, boys, girls, football with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Participation
  • Gender disparity
  • Societal norms
  • Physical demands
  • Sports facilities
  • Traditional gender roles
  • Inclusiveness
  • Accessibility
  • Appeal
  • Gender equality
  • Contemporary trends
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