IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give death penalty. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is often suggested that implementing the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is the best measure for decreasing the crime rate,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that there are many other ways that play an equally, if not more, important role in reducing crime. One of the main reasons some people support the
death
Use synonyms
discipline
Check wording
penalty
show examples
 is that
this
Linking Words
 policy is the heaviest punishment
criminals
Use synonyms
 can receive. Many
criminals
Use synonyms
 commit crimes for their own satisfaction,
such
Linking Words
 as stealing money, scamming, and abusing a person they hate. Some of them are willing to get punished by law because the punishments are not strong enough to stop them from engaging in risky behaviours. If they strongly believed that they would get the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 for the cost of what they’ve done, they would reconsider their situation and make a better decision.
However
Linking Words
, there is a drawback
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
. Some
criminals
Use synonyms
 who get a second chance tend to regret their crimes and try to live a better life, which can inspire many other
criminals
Use synonyms
. In some cases, the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 may unintentionally remove these opportunities for
criminals
Use synonyms
 to be changed. For these reasons, I believe that there should be some flexible regulations.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
Use synonyms
,
criminals
Use synonyms
 can be managed with strict rules and educational
trainings
Fix the agreement mistake
training
show examples
 at the same time. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 is often considered the most effective solution for crimes, it can
also
Linking Words
 restrict potential changes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe other regulations that balance punishment and flexibility are the best way to reduce crime.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan the essay with a clear order: one idea per paragraph and a short intro that states your view.
content
Give stronger and more clear examples and explain how they prove your point.
language
Use the right word: write 'death penalty' instead of 'death discipline'.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are linked, for example however, on the other hand, in addition.
style
Keep sentences simple and clear; avoid long, hard sentences.
task-response
Good attempt to discuss both sides and to give an opinion.
coherence
You use examples such as theft and scam to explain the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: