IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are spending more time on social media than with family or in face-to-face activities. What problems can this cause? What solutions can be taken to address this issue?

Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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people
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 are spending more
time
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 on social
media
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 platforms rather than spending
time
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 with their loved ones.
This
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 serious problem of
Correct article usage
the
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21st century, which can disturb social orders in many ways.
This
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 essay outlines some direct
effect
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effects
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to
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on
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 society
along with
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 some practical
solution
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solutions
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.
To begin
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 with, social
media
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 glueing could
brake
Verb problem
break
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 families.
This
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 possibility
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
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 because excessive use of platforms like Facebook,
Tiktok
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TikTok
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, and
Youtube
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YouTube
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,
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apply
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reduce
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reduces
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 family
time
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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develop
Verb problem
can lead to
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misunderstanding
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misunderstandings
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 between family members.
For example
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, if
teenage
Correct article usage
a teenage
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 son does not get enough
time
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 to express his
feelings
Punctuation problem
feelings,
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then
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 there is a high chance of argument, frustration and family breakdown.
Moreover
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, excessive attachment
with
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to
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 social
media
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effect
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affects
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on
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apply
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younger
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people
Check wording
people's
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 ability of
relationship
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relationships
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formation
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apply
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.
This
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 capacity mostly
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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 during family
time
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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,
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apply
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 if there is no family
time
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they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 wouldn’t develop essential
quality
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qualities
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 like
formation
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the formation
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 of bonding with
people
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.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 they will be
unsuccssful
Correct your spelling
unsuccessful
 professionally
as well as
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personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
.
One
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On
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 the other hand, there are some solutions to
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this
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these
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 emerging problems.
Firstly
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,
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government
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the government
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 should implement some
strong
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strict
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 rules around age
restriction
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restrictions
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.
For example
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, if young
people
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 aged under 18 were completely banned from social
media
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networks
Punctuation problem
networks,
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then
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 they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 spend more
time
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 with
family
Check wording
their families
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.
This
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 relationship development not only
stop
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stops
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 family
break down
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breakdown
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 but
also
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improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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people
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’s skills, which
make
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makes
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 them better
citizen
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citizens
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.
Secondly
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,
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government
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the government
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 can
also
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 stop
people
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 from opening multiple
account
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accounts
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 on social
media
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platform
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platforms
show examples
. If
people
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 have more
accounts
Punctuation problem
accounts,
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 they
spends
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spend
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 more
time
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 on social
media
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 and less
time
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 with
there
Use the right word
their
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 family.
Therefore
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,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role
on
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in
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 creating
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 between family
time
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 and online
time
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 in
there
Use the right word
their
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citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion, Excessive use of social
media
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 can destroy family functioning
as well as
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 hamper young
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people
Check wording
people's
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 capacity
of
Change preposition
for
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 relationship formation.
Thus
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,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should take
approprait
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appropriate
stapes
Check wording
steps
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 on addressing the issues.

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task
Task Response: The essay shows a good attempt to answer both the problem and the solution but needs more detail. Add more clear and full ideas for each point and use one strong example for each point.
coherence
Coherence and Cohesion: The text has a plan, but the flow is not steady. Start each paragraph with a clear idea. Use connect words to show links, and keep one main idea per paragraph.
strength
The writing shows the topic and a plan to give a problem and a fix.
strength
There are some good examples like social platforms in the essay.
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