IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

fSome people thinks that governments should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree.

There is no denying the fact that unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 destroys our bodies.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that governments must put a fee on it to reduce their demand in society,there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.In my opinion,I consider that increasing taxes does not affect a person's decision , and there are a lot of ways that governments can do it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the government can create awareness about how dangerous fast
food
Use synonyms
 in our bodies.
In other words
Linking Words
, using social media and TV to guide citizens' opinions about the
food
Use synonyms
 is the best way.
In addition
Linking Words
, encouraging healthy
food
Use synonyms
 by comparing its effects of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 in street posters and reducing its
price
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
,Oxford University published a paper that stated repeatedly seeing the information in many places shapes a person's opinion in the subconscious mind. Another point to consider is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 increasing the tax will increase the total
price
Use synonyms
 without any noticeable result.It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it will be the excuse for the company to double the
price
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using these refunds to advertise and raise their demand.
For instance
Linking Words
,Kuwait increased the fee of the cigarate in 2020 , which led to tripled the
price
Use synonyms
 and increased the selling places. In conclusion, despite people having different views.I believe that the government has many ways to stop these companies.
First,
Linking Words
it can prevent selling in any government building.
Second,
Linking Words
it can support the healthy company to spread.

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task response
Be clear of your view in the opening and restate it in the end.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph and use simple link words to connect ideas.
content
Explain ideas with easy examples that fit the topic and check facts before you name them.
language
Improve spelling and grammar to avoid easy mistakes.
stance
You use a clear view about the topic.
content
You offer other ways to help people be healthy.
evidence
You give some examples to back points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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