The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The illustration above shows the weekly time
teenagers
Use synonyms
spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Watching television was a popular activity amongst
teenagers
Use synonyms
over the years,
while
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this
Linking Words
habit has changed over the years, other activities like doing homework and doing sports have been neglected.
Firstly
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, we can observe that when
teenagers
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started being more interested in watching television in 2004, the
hours
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per week spent
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased from 25 to 30.
Secondly
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, we can see a link between TV watching and watching
DVD’s
Check wording
DVDs
show examples
,
thus
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the watching
Change preposition
of DVD
show examples
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
Use synonyms
hours decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
as TV becomes more popular.
However
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, we can
also
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notice that
teenagers
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became less interested in sports, homework, and Bowling over the years;
as a result
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, the weekly
hours
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spent on these activities went into a downward slide. Another detail we can notice is that
teenagers
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also
Linking Words
became more interested in going to pubs/discos, the
hours
Use synonyms
rocketing from 12 to 18 in 2007, and the time spent shopping gradually increased from 2004 to 2007.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words teenagers, hours with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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