IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is more important for schoolchildren tp learn about local history than world history. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is
an
Correct article usage
a
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 debate about whether it is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local
history
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 or
world
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history
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.
While
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 some people believe that local
history
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 should be prioritised, others argue that
world
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history
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 is equally essential for students’ education. On the one hand, supporters of learning local
history
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 argue that it helps children understand their cultural identity and traditions. By studying the
history
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 of their own community, students can develop a strong sense of belonging and respect for their heritage.
This
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 knowledge can
also
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 make learning more meaningful, as children can easily relate historical events to their daily environment.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that
world
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history
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 is more important because we live in a globalised
world
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. Learning about international events and cultures broadens students’ perspectives and teaches them to appreciate diversity. It
also
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 helps them understand how global developments influence their country and prepares them for future opportunities in an interconnected society. In my opinion, both local and
world
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history
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 are important, but greater emphasis should be placed on
world
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history
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. Understanding global events allows students to think critically and become more open-minded individuals
while
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 still valuing their local roots. In conclusion,
although
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 local
history
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 strengthens cultural identity,
world
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history
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 provides essential knowledge about the wider
world
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.
Therefore
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, a balanced education that includes both aspects is the best approach for schoolchildren.

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task response
Be clear in your main view. The essay says both sides and then says world history is more important, then says balance. Choose one main view and keep it. Add some clear steps or ideas to show why you chose this view.
coherence
Use clear linked words. Break long ideas into shorter lines. Try to have one idea in each sentence. Make sure each paragraph has one big idea.
structure
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
organization
Clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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