IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued that grandparents or other family
members
Use synonyms
 are better
careers
Use the right word
caregivers
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 of 5 or 6
age
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe childcare
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 provide
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 services for them.
This
Linking Words
 essay
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that
although
Linking Words
 family
members
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 financially better,
giving
Verb problem
placing
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 special
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 advantageous way of shaping
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 of kids.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, it is financially better to care for
children
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home. Some parents can struggle with payments for those
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, since there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 monthly, holiday or other need payments, so people tend to get them
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other family
members
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
grandmother
Correct article usage
a grandmother
show examples
 or grandfather.
Thus
Linking Words
, they save
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of money which they will
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the child.
For example
Linking Words
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
web-survey
Use the right word
web survey
show examples
 shows that giving one child to
carrying
Verb problem
a childcare
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 costs for family about $500 each month.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
while
Linking Words
 it is expensive, I believe that giving them to pre-school
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
worth
Verb problem
is worth
show examples
 it. There are many specialists who know how to care
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
, and how to shape their
skills
Use synonyms
 better than family
members
Use synonyms
. In those
Use synonyms
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
centers
Add a comma
centers,
show examples
 kids
already can
Correct word order
can already
show examples
 learn how to work in a team, and some of them can develop their leadership
skills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, researchers from
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Sapienza
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 who were carried in kindergarten obtain achievements 40% more than those kids who
carried
Verb problem
were carried
show examples
 in
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 environment, and they
also
Linking Words
 tend to hold main roles in companies. In conclusion, despite that family carrying is financially
preferably
Replace the word
preferable
show examples
 for fathers and mothers,
giving
Verb problem
placing
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 special
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is much more effective and provides
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more opportunities for developing brain
skills
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Use On the one hand and On the other hand to show both sides clearly.
task achievement
Say your view in the intro and end with it in the last paragraph.
task achievement
Keep facts simple and true; give small, clear examples.
coherence cohesion
Put each main idea in its own paragraph with a start idea sentence.
language
Use short, clear notes and simple words.
task response
The essay shows an effort to discuss both sides.
coherence cohesion
There are real ideas about cost and smart play for kids.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childcare centers
  • pre-school age
  • structured curricula
  • trained professionals
  • cognitive skills
  • social skills
  • interaction
  • sharing
  • teamwork
  • nurturing
  • personalized care
  • emotional security
  • attachment
  • one-on-one attention
  • emotional development
  • sense of belonging
  • work-life balance
  • consistent routine
  • flexibility
  • adapt to needs
  • learning experiences
  • academic skills
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