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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Obesity has been one of the major problems in developing countries. Usually,
this
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 impacts the middle class or the upper-middle class, especially in teenagers or young adults. These obese individuals have a tendency to continue their habits or
activities
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 into adulthood. The older generation, mainly consisting of teachers and dieticians, has suggested introducing more physical curriculum to improve
students
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' well-being. It is apparent that by introducing more physical
activities
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 in
school
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,
students
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 will be able to move much more , rather than being stuck in a classroom. The muscles on
students
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' bodies will increase and reduce unhealthy fat.
In addition
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, active
activities
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 that schools incorporate into
students
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' daily lives will be a great habit to continue.
For example
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, if a
school
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 add a stretching session before the
school
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 starts, they can use the same ritual before starting their work. On the other side, there are some arguments from parents, where academic facilities should prioritise learning more than physical
activities
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.
For instance
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, if the
school
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 add more time for gymnastics, other subjects will have less time on the schedule. The
students
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 will have a harder time focusing on their studies
due to
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 their energy already being drained from physical
activities
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. I believe incorporating physical
lessons
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 will benefit the
students
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 in the long run, but the
school
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 management must be able to balance that agenda and academic
lessons
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. To illustrate, the agenda might consist of minor stretching, followed by academic
lessons
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, and end with fun games or active
lessons
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.
Furthermore
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, parents and teachers want the best for their children's health and academic performance. By balancing those two, we can achieve a much brighter and healthier future.

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improvement
State your view clearly in the first part of the essay and set a small plan of three ideas to discuss.
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Use simple and direct examples. Give a fact or clear reason to back each point.
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Make each paragraph begin with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
improvement
Keep sentences short and clear. Avoid long chains of ideas in one line.
strength
Clear view on the topic and a balanced ending.
strength
Uses contrast to show both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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