IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion

Nowadays, many
companies
Use synonyms
 or organisations use advertising to promote their
products
Use synonyms
 or services. Advertising has become
inevitable
Correct article usage
an inevitable
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 part of
people
Use synonyms
's lives. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advertising has many positive effects on our lives,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
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argue
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 has many drawbacks for our daily life and can change our attitude toward some
products
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both points of view in depth. In my point of view, advertising is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for every company to introduce their new
products
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 or their services to
people
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has many positive results for economic and financial income.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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ads
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 can help
companies
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 explain details of their
products
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 to guide their customers
select
Verb problem
to select
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best
Correct article usage
the best
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 choices. When customers search for their essential
products
Use synonyms
, it is beneficial to gather all information about them.
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Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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ads
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 provide
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 range of information to customers to purchase
best
Correct article usage
the best
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products
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.
Additionally
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, some new
companies
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 can not compete with large and famous-branded
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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.
At
Change preposition
As
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result,
ads
Use synonyms
 can help them to boost their new
companies
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 properly in
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 atmosphere.
Finally
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, it is reasonable to provide
ads
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 for
company
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companies
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 to help them grow properly.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue it may cause several problems for
society
Check wording
society's
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 attitudes and
people
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's lifestyles. When
people
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 are exposed
by
Change preposition
to
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ads
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 social media, TV, or pop-ups
in
Change preposition
on
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 websites, it can encourage them to
Correct article usage
a consumerism
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consumerism
Replace the word
consumerist
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 lifestyle. They buy everything that
watching
Wrong verb form
they watch
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in
Change preposition
on
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 TV or social media to be up-to-date about fashion.
Moreover
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, some
manufactures
Use the right word
manufacturers
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 may advertise some unhealthy
products
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 like
junk-food
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junk food
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 or smokes to
people
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is dangerous for
people
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation. It is the government's duty to implement some regulations to
strict
Use the right word
restrict
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 certain
companies
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 and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 them
to advertise
Change preposition
from advertising
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in
Change preposition
on
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 public
devices
Check wording
media
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 like TV. In conclusion, both
perespectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 have valid approaches toward
this
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 topic. It can help
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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 and boost
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 GDP. Giving information to
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 beneficial and can guide them.
However
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, it can be annoying for
people
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 to waste their time
in
Change preposition
apply
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watching
ads
Use synonyms
.
Moreove
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, advertising unhealthy
products
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 can
distribute
Verb problem
promote
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harmful
Correct article usage
a harmful
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 lifestyle among
people
Use synonyms
. The government's regulations can be helpful in
such
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 a situation.

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task response
Add more clear reasons and details for each main point to show full thought.
task response
Make your view clear in the opening and restate it in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple joining words to make ideas flow well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentences for grammar so ideas are easy to read.
task response
You show both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You name names like junk food and smoking to back up your point.
structure
You keep the task steady with an ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • manipulative tactics
  • brand loyalty
  • target audience
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • social issues
  • materialism
  • persuasive techniques
  • unrealistic expectations
  • mental health
  • consumer spending
  • brand image
  • societal values
  • awareness campaigns
What to do next:
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