IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

we live in the world in which we are constantly xposed to advertising. To what extend does advertising influence our choices as constumers and what effect does it have on our lifes? Discuss the issue and give your opinion

We live in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 world in which we are
constantyl expoesed
Correct your spelling
constantly exposed
 to
adevertising
Correct your spelling
advertising
and
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, and
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 I personally agree that it influences
significanlty
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significantly
 our choices as customers. I will explain what effect
does
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apply
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it
have
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has
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 on our lifestyle and give my opinion. First and foremost, it is
eveident
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evident
 that
adversiting
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advertising
 influences
dramtically
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apply
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us
.
Rephrase
dramatically.
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 Because we face unprecedented numbers of advertisements in daily
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 even
we
Correct word choice
though we
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 are not supposed to watch them
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such
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, such
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 as
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on Youtube
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Youtube
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YouTube
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 and Television. Advertisements usually argue only the pros, which makes
people
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be
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apply
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interested in the product.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can make
people
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to
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apply
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buy
product
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a product
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 through advertising even though they don't have any plan to get it.
For example
Linking Words
, in a recent study, it argues that advertising makes
people
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 spend
much
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
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 money regardless of planning
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Use the right word
believe
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 that it has advantages. They think that they can buy some products
effieciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 through advertisements.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 through them,
people
Use synonyms
 can compare some
imformation
Correct your spelling
information
such
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 as price, advantage, and material between two products that they want to get.
As a result
Linking Words
,
It
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it
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 is notable that advertising
influences
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has
show examples
Correct article usage
a significanly
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significanly
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significant
on
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influence on
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 our
life
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lives
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, but it can
gives
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give
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 the pros and the cons. And I personally think it has more disadvantages because it makes
people
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 rely on
, which
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it, which
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 makes them lose their opinion and
do overspending
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overspend
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 their money.

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structure
Plan what you will say before you write. Make your view clear in the start. Each para should have one main idea that links to your point about ads.
language
Fix spell and grammar. Many words are misspelt. Check and write cleanly.
content
Use one or two good examples. Tell how ads make you buy or spend money.
structure
Use clear topic sentence in each paragraph and link ideas well.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates your view.
stance
You state your view in the intro.
structure
There is a simple plan in your essay with two sides.
content
You try to give an example.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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