Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this?

There's an ongoing debate about whether the public green spaces are important or if it would be more useful to replace these locations with more valuable projects ,
such
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as residential buildings or enhancing businesses to satisfy the increasing population's needs.
While
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I agree that taking advantage of empty lands is of high importance to cover the citizens' requirements, I believe that public entertainment spaces should not be
undervaluable
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undervalued
. One major reason associated with the exploitation of public plots is the significant
demographic's
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demographic
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increase. The statistics show continuous growth in inhabitants, which has created the need for more residential areas to cover the deficit.
As a result
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, many people face difficulties in finding a suitable accommodation with a reasonable price
due to
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the high demand
,
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. In
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in addition
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, using these areas to build new businesses will boost the economy of the community by creating more job opportunities and enhancing the
overall
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life quality of the citizens.
For instance
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, the abundance of work chances and accommodations will make people's lives easier.
Therefore
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, the investment in these projects will be of high return for everyone.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that public green spots are
extremly
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extremely
essential as they represent an entertainment space for their children and a playing area for them , especially after school. Many parents prefer to take their kids to the outdoor areas to meet with their friends and spend some quality time.
As a result
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, they will disconnect from study and relax in the green territories, which will lead to better academic performance.
For instance
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, students with very limited free time
,
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apply
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and outdoor activities tend to have lower scores compared to their peers. In conclusion,
although
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the population growth and the need for more investments in several sectors, I believe the green zones are extremely important.
While
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exploiting vacant distances is crucial to satisfy the citizens' requirements, maintaining leisure plots is equally essential.

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task response
Task response: The essay gives a view that green spaces are important, but it could go deeper. Add more clear reasons and stronger, real examples. State your full position clearly in one sentence in the intro and restate it at the end.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a basic order with intro, 2 body parts and a conclusion. Use more clear topic sentences and short, simple links to connect ideas. Try to keep one idea per paragraph and finish each paragraph with a line that links to the next.
task
Clear view is stated at the end that green spaces are still important.
coherence
Structure is easy to follow with intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion.
coherence
There are linking phrases like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'.
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